Memoirs: Why I’m Refusing to Settle

“You’re not the kind of girl who settles, keep not settling”.

          Joy Wilson

 Do you ever scroll through Instagram and one of those life quotes resonate with what you’re going through in life?

I have a whole album in my iPhone’s camera roll dedicated to my favourite quotes that I like to dip in and out of whenever I need that ‘boost’ or a reflective WhatsApp profile picture. The one above from fellow blogger, Joy Wilson, really reflects my attitude to life at the moment – I really don’t like the thought of ‘settling’. Settling to me means accepting what you have; whether it be job, relationship, health and just living with it. 

Right now – I don’t want to settle in any of these. I want to strive for better in my career, health, blog and personal life. But sometimes the potent mix of fear and laziness seeps in, ruins my mindset and I manifest negative vibes. I HATE being that person who brings down the mood. I even have to stop myself spreading my ~vibes~ to others with the line ‘I’m not usually like this, I’m just having a bad day/week’.  


Having things to look forward to – booking a holiday, catching up with that friend you haven’t seen in years, or simply arranging time for yourself is a great way to break up the monotony and humdrum of life. You don’t even have to spend loads – I always find my best memories are ones when I think about the company I’m with rather than ‘I SPENT SO MUCH‘. This summer I really wanna get out and make the most of my city rather than have same rinse and repeat nights out. The huge irony is that I’m currently lying in bed typing up this but I’m going outside tomorrow, so I will have a balanced weekend. Even if your thing to look forward to is coming going to the gym and zoning the f*ck out or catching up on Bad Girls Club – do you. 

In other news… I downloaded the infamous dating app, Tinder, again. This was partly due to certain friends of mine forcing me, for banter, and what I would call my own personal social experiment. I dabbled with it previously before a few years ago and HATED it. Have my thoughts changed about it? Not so much. All I could think when deciding whether to swipe left or right was that this is basically like going through a human Argos catalogue, singling out what I want and what I didn’t.  

It really isn’t for me. Deep deep down – under this hard crabby exterior (I’m a Cancer through and through), I’m an old romantic and this dating app thing is just a bit of fun for the moment. For me, it is more loathe at first swipe than love. 

Do I even want a relationship right now? No. I’m even refusing to settle in that part of my life. I know if I don’t settle with someone, I won’t eliminate what I want and don’t want in a relationship. But in all honesty it just sounds like a massive headache. I listen to my friends complain about their partners and all I can think of is, if you’re not happy – LEAVE or choose to work on it. I know it’s not that simple, but I’ve been in that situation before and wish I’d got out of things much sooner – but life has a funny way of making you learn a lesson. Hindsight truly is a wonderful thing. 

It’s like they ask that and if you say no they’re like “ah well you’ll find someone!” And if you say yes they’re like “oh really? Bit soon?”

What exactly does soon mean? A week, a month, a year, two years? 

Right now, the most important relationship I have is with myself and if I don’t continue to work on that, I won’t get anywhere. I’ve always thought the whole thought that “Getting married and having kids is so cliché” and to some extent I do agree.


The same goes for owning a property, you need to have certain things in place before you even gander at getting on the property ladder in the UK. The idea of getting a property solo in the midst of this housing crisis is scary yet empowering but I find all the talk about housing bloody boring (even though I have some rooms planned on Pinterest). I actually want to get to the stage (I’m hoping in around five years), where I’m living in hotels around the world, embracing home wherever I go.

As I approach age 26, I need to remember that:

Comparison will kill you… 

On top of that instead of focusing on what I haven’t done, focusing on what I have achieved in the past few years. I am fortunate enough to travel often, not worry about certain things and have some amazing people in my life. Consistency really is the key to growth – in my career, health, blog and personal life.

All I can conclude from my quarter life crisis, season two, episode 11, is that it is okay to live a life others don’t understand.

It is important to never judge someone else by your own standards. What is right for you may not be right for them. 

Char xo


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